MY BELOVED CHARLIE ❤️ 

I've started searching you in all your places .

I'm still trying to close the gate in 0.1 sec thinking i'll have to run behind you otherwise .

I still talk about you to my new residents at work place like you still haven't left yet .My heart still aches in sadness, and tears still flow , what it means to lose you , no one will ever know if i explained .A little over 10 days without you . Your love remains untouched ,your belt remains unwashed like visiting you  every morning where i left you continues. I still remember those eyes that looked out for me in the hospital the last day , i still remember the way you wanted to sleep on me the whole time.

My heart still holds a beat everytime i enter the house,waiting for your gretting that will never come.I miss you everyday .

Charlie my boy, I LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER!

In hopes

I know you don’t want me.

I’m not stupid, I see it in your silence, your distance.

The way your words don’t put any effort anymore.

But I stay, I stay because a part of me holds on to the tiniest shred of hope that maybe, just maybe one random Wednesday you’ll wake up and change your mind — that you’ll see me, really see me and realise I was worth it all along.

It’s not easy living in this limbo — caught between the reality I feel and the dreams I refuse to let go of.

I tell myself I’ll leave — that maybe you deserve better.

But every time I try, my heart convinces me to wait a little longer because just in case.

I know it’s foolish and I know I’m probably hurting more than anything else.

But the thought of giving up on you feels heavier than the pain of staying.

So here I am — hoping for that Wednesday to come, even if deep down I know it might not arrive sooner 

 at all.

Know that I can love you quietly.

 NOTE

BECAUSE YOU ARE - EASY TO LOVE 

A quick question for you actually , i have a few and give yourself a second to think on these before you answer .

How would you show up in the world for yourself with others if you knew for certain that you were easy to love ?

Hmm?

what would you do differently ?

what would you stop doing all together ?

what would you no longer try to be ?

how would you show up 

And what would that feel like ?

Because 

you may not believe it right now but you are in fact quite easy to love.

My number one 

What’s wrong with me ?

I hate you for a little bit 

And then wish I was with you again .

I can never forget you I’ve tried 

Every single night .

The more I hate 

The more I love 

I see something in your eyes that 

No one else sees .

Till my memories with you start to blur

And I end up with a dream of what we could have been 

I wish i wrote the way i thought ;

Obessively,

Incessantly'

With madderening hunger.

I'd write to the point of suffocation.

I'd write myself into nervous breakdowns,

manuscripts spiralling out like tentacles into abysmal nothing.

And I'd write about you a lot more than i should.

 What is grief , if not Love Perservering ?

Lifeee is all aboutt....

A ray of small hope can bring a person back into their fullest , much like the powerful narratives .

Life often potrays characters facing seemingly insurmountable challenges, whether they are battling personal demons, experiencing profound loss , or dealing with intense professional pressures.Yet, amid these struggles, its the small moments of hope and human connection that ignites their resilience and drive them to overcome adversity. These glimpse of hope can be as simple as a supportive person in life.

Small but significant moments can transform lives and restore faith.we face our battles and moments of doubt. Its important to remember that even the smallest ray of hope can make a profound difference in a persons life.A kind gesture, an unexpected opportunity , or a personal breakthrough can rekindle our spirit and bring us back to out biggest potential .

Embracing hope does not mean ignoring the difficulties we face; it means recognizing the possibility of positive change and allowing us to believe forward.

what is the point in eveything we have been through if we cant channel that to our own betterment ? Its never too late. People can always change. After all in the end i would still promise you to owe you a life.

That is the kind of story life is and should be .we're inevitable!

IMPECCABLE

A person who will never lie to you to spare your feelings or attend something because social constructs deem in the courteous or polite course of action , and who will infact do many things that might make you angry and frustrate.

It is a hard thing to love a good man..

A good man is not a nice man 

-he does things because he has a moral code , a set of values he priorities and will always do his best to make sure that his actions are in line with his own standards.

Sonika Ashok

DEATH

-Unpredictable 

It is not something that you can decide ..

Not something to be scared of..

Until we do find that solution to death-and how appealing it is to think about your bodily presence in this world being something other than your physical body

It might be appropriate to consider how we face the reality of death.

SONIKA ASHOK